How to be happy at work!
In 2014 I handed in my notice to my boss. I did it because I wasn’t happy.
His first question, when he read my resignation letter, was "Why?"
I’d been given a promotion a year earlier that I'd wanted for nearly 10 years working at the company. My construction industry bosses had seen past the fact that I was a woman, younger than most in management and that I hadn't come up through the trades like all of the others. They gave me the opportunity I'd been waiting for.
For years I’d been waiting for the “when”s.
When…. I find a new partner I’ll be happy
When…. I get a new house I’ll be happy
When…. I have the body I want I’ll be happy
When…. I get this promotion and pay rise I’ll be happy
And as my work “when” became a “now”, it didn't quite go as I'd expected and I didn't feel the way I thought I would.
So on that Tuesday morning I handed in my notice with no other job to go to and a mortgage to pay. I turned my back on what made sense. The pay rise, the stability, the future prospects, the company car, the chance to prove I could do what I kept saying I could do... all because I wasn't happy.
To begin with I didn't think that mattered. In my world at the time I was surrounded by people that hated their job or weren't sure it was what they wanted to do, that was just life right?!
But working with a coach (my inspiration to become a coach myself) made me realise it did matter. The fact that this job made sense and was what everyone expected me to do and what boxes I thought I wanted ticked in my life, didn't matter. I mattered. My happiness mattered.
I looked into the future and thought about the life I wanted to lead and the legacy I wanted to leave behind and the memories I wanted to create and none of that seemed to match with the daily life I was living. My happiness mattered and so I chose differently.
So what would happen if you put you and your happiness first?
Do you look at your life and feel grateful for the happiness you feel everyday or are you waiting for the “when”s. Or are you ignoring that your happiness matters with statements like “well it’s not THAT bad!”?
Before you rush off to write your own resignation letter, why not try these 4 steps to really discover the truth about your happiness….
1. Know who you are, your values and what’s important to you
In my previous job one of things that clouded my happiness judgement was expectations. Expectations others had of me and expectations I had of myself. I had a long list in my mind of what a career “should” look like and in reality I was ticking all of those boxes. The problem was I’m not sure they were ever my boxes to tick. But you have to start somewhere and maybe like me you didn’t always know who you really were and what really mattered to you. So the first step is to work out what matters to you, what are your values and what’s important to you.
"Happiness is letting go of what you think your life is supposed to look like and enjoying it for everything that it is." - Mandy Hale
2. Really know what makes you happy
Do you really know what makes you happy? When was the last time you were in the middle of something and you noticed that little smile on your face or that peaceful but excited feeling that swells up inside. What were you doing last time you felt really happy? And I know there are degrees of happiness. You’re never going to feel as happy at work as you do when you’re lying on a beach with a cocktail. Maybe work could be a much happier place if you spent some of your non-working time doing something you absolutely love. Maybe your days in the office would fly by if you knew you were going to finish a few more pages of that book you’re writing when you get home. Happiness at work might not mean just from your job, our whole lives are connected. So what makes you really happy?
3. Know whose responsibility it is to make you happy
As well as the “when”s the other thing that delays our happiness is looking to the wrong people to make it happen. I’m sure you could easily attribute your unhappiness at work to the current economic climate, to your slave driver of a boss or your salary that never seems to go up. And while these are possibly all valid things you are having to deal with, they are also all out of your control. If you want to be happy you need to learn to let go of the things that you have no control over and grasp with both hand the things that you do. And one thing you do have control over is your reactions, your thoughts, your emotions and your feelings about what is going on around you. I have done work with clients before when they’re consumed by the actions or personality of someone they work with and it drives them to despair but once we focus on my client and not the person they work with, we can achieve amazing breakthroughs. So who or what are you making responsible for your happiness?
4. Get support to help you see what you can’t
As I mentioned above, my turning point in my career was working with a coach. When I signed up to work with her my goal was to be better at my job. I was convinced if I was just better at my job then everything would feel better. What I discovered was it was nothing to do with my ability or skills and everything to do with my emotions and happiness. Sometimes we are so far into the mess and struggle of what’s going on, we can’t even see a way through. We can be so clouded by our own perceptions and baggage that we can’t even see the truth of what’s right in front of us. Having someone removed from my situation to shine a light for me on what was going on, was life changing.
(and still is, I am very rarely at a point where I’m not getting support from some kind of coach, mentor or guide whether that’s business or personal)
So if you’re unhappy at work I hope this might help you take a first step to gaining control over that.
I also want to mention that I know some people are way off where they’d like to be in terms of happiness. This blog is not meant to make it seem easy to just “be happy” and if you’re struggling, I hope you find the support you need. My wish with this blog though is to put some power back in your hands. To help you take a couple of first steps to focusing on what’s important and what might have to change in order for you to achieve that.
Whatever you might be feeling right now I guarantee you, your happiness matters, it’s important and it’s worth investing in.
Much love
Gail x
Photo credit - https://unsplash.com/@chuklanov