5 steps to helping anxiety
I don’t often talk in public about my anxiety but after an episode recently I thought if sharing my story helps just one person, it would be worth it.
I have always been a bit of a worrier and I think being a mum has made it worse in some ways. Not only am I responsible for my own health, happiness and well being but I now have two wonderful little humans to look after too.
I think a lot, I like to plan, I like to feel I have a level of control over my life and what will happen because that gives me a sense of calm and peace. I don’t like the unknown, I attach a lot of fear to that.
However being a mum has also made me realise I don’t want my kids to feel this way. I want them to be adventurous, carefree and willing to take risks. I want them to leap into the unknown with excitement and joy and for them to experience everything they want to.
Over the last few years I have worked on this a lot. I’m learning, slowly, to trust. To trust that life is always working out for me. To trust that I don’t have to have it all figured out. To trust that I don’t need all the answers. To trust myself. To trust that I am doing the best I can and that is always enough. I am finding my sense of calm and peace in other ways.
My anxiety in relation to all of this used to be a constant nagging feeling in the back of mind that something just wasn’t right, or something was about to happen, or something was about to knock the wind from my sails.
As I’ve worked on my mindset, the way I think and understand my emotions, this nagging feeling has almost gone. What it’s been replaced with is a slightly more severe form of anxiety but that thankfully doesn’t happen very often. I can’t always link it to anything in particular and because of that it can sometimes take me by surprise.
I wanted to share this with you today because finding a way to deal with my anxiety was really important to me.
Now I must add here that I’m not a doctor. I have never seen a doctor about this. I’m not here to diagnose anything or prescribe anything. I’m just sharing my experience about what happens to me and how I deal with it. Just take from it what you will and hopefully even just reading that someone else’s experience might look a little bit like yours, may give you some comfort.
The strangest thing about my anxiety now is that it shows up right when I wake up. After a restful night’s sleep! I wake up and within seconds I know what is happening.
For me my anxiety shows up initially in a very physical way.
It starts with my chest. It feels like someone is literally sitting on top of me. My shoulders hunch in and round and my chest collapses in. It’s claustrophobic and oppressive.
It then starts in my stomach. There is a huge knot in the middle of my stomach and the feeling of it bends me in half.
The feelings that come with these physical affects are heavy and frightening and I start to feel that I can’t breathe. This is where I now know I need to act. I have to do something before the panic comes in too.
The first thing I do is turn to my husband. If I can feel he is near me that gives me an instant sense of calm and I can move straight on to the first and, for me, most important step.
1. Breathe
While this heavy weight is sitting on my chest, focusing on my breathing is the best thing I can do. I use counting breaths. Not only does this regulate my breathing but it also gives my mind something to focus on. In for 4, hold for 4, out for 8. A longer out breath calms your nervous system down. I keep doing this until I can feel my body starting to relax.
2. Meditate
Once I have calmed my system down enough to think clearly I listen to a guided mediation for relaxation and to release and let go of any emotions I’m holding on to. I have tried loads over the years but I have now found one in particular that really helps. It is 25 minutes long but to be honest now within the first 5 minutes I’m already in a better place knowing that this is the meditation that helps.
3. Go slow
After this the worst has passed and I can function more normally but I find everything needs to go at a slower pace. Rushing to get the kids to school or anything that makes me feel pressured can escalate the feeling again so I am very conscious about keeping focused on breathing and taking things slow.
This is probably one of the hardest parts dealing with this as a mum. It’s hard to explain to others how you feel, especially young kids, and when they can see everything looks normal from the outside they can’t understand what’s going on for you. I’m very honest with my husband and so he knows where to help out and step in but it takes a lot to keep the self talk in check, that I’m not being stupid or over reacting or letting people down or whatever other things we tell ourselves.
4. Move your body
Your emotions get stuck in your body. After slowing things down and feeling in a better place the next thing I do is move my body. This really depends on the day but usually the more I can move the better. Sometimes a walk is enough and getting out in the fresh air and in nature. Sometimes it’s something higher energy and I need to sweat it out, pant it out, dance it out, shout it out… whatever it takes to move that emotion through my body.
5. Be compassionate
Although I now manage this process fairly quickly and within an hour or so the worst has passed, the rest of my day can feel very off. Things can seem a little harder than normal or I can become quickly irritated or stressed, so I need to be compassionate with myself. I need to slow down, take time, take the pressure off, set boundaries, say no to people and put my own needs first. If I don’t it can drag on for a lot longer.
My passion for self care for myself and teaching others about it has come through situations like this. If we don’t prioritise our own well being it can affect us and everyone around us.
We can’t run on empty all the time.
We can’t push our own emotions down, they will come back up sometime.
We can’t just smile and keep going.
There are no medals for the most stressed out or burnt out woman.
If you want to enjoy your life to the fullest self care and prioritising your own well being is a must.
I hope there is something from this blog that you can take away. If you’re looking for further support with anxiety there are lots of resources and organisations online, for example Mental Health UK https://mentalhealth-uk.org
Most of all, never forget to give yourself the same compassion you would if you had a friend feeling the way you do.
“If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.” - Jack Kornfield
Much love
Gail x