The 3 biggest mistakes you make when trying to create a new self care habit
Those of you who have read my blog before or who know my work as a mindset and well-being coach, will know my passion for helping people realise one of the keys to their success and happiness is creating self care habits.
I wrote a whole blog about why a bubble bath isn’t self care and in that I talk about how the average self care tips about getting my nails done or having a relaxing bubble bath are fun, but we still have to deal with the day to day stresses of life at some point!
I still have a never ending to do list. I still have to get my kids out of the door in the morning and have the arguments over whose turn it is to sit in the favourite chair at breakfast. I still have the mental overload of everyone’s schedules and thinking about who needs to be where, with what, at any give time, whilst trying to run my coaching and training business. Not to mention my constant questioning as to whether I am doing any of this “right” or whether I’m good enough.
My nails looking great are not helping me through this lot!
Self care, to me, is creating a way of thinking, building habits and introducing practices that mean your well-being is a priority and your stress, anxiety and overwhelm is at a minimum. That way there is room for a whole lot more fun, laughter and gratitude for the life you’re living.
So what we need is healthy habits, where we are the priority, that we can use in the midst of the chaos we live in.
In my work with my clients we look at three areas of self care habits - mind, body and soul.
The mind habits help us stay mentally strong and present, and help us deal with the negative mind chatter that doubts or judges us.
The body habits help us stay fit and healthy to cope with all life throws at us. They give us the energy and strength we need to get through the day, without collapsing at the end in a state of exhaustion.
The soul habits are all about us as individuals. Not us as mums, or colleagues, but us, the individual who so often gets neglected. What do they need, what do they want, what makes them happy?
So we know that habits help us to create the life we want to lead, but why are they so hard to stick to?
Let’s face it we’ve all tried. Whether it’s a green juice or the cabbage diet, whether it’s holding a 3 minute plank or belly dancing your way to a six pack… we’ve tried it all.
The first bit’s great. Then you realise it takes commitment and consistency. Then life gets in the way and you realise you just don’t have the time for something that’s probably not going to work anyway!
So we stop. And we say maybe another time. And we return to the chaos, stress and exhaustion of life, waiting for the next big thing or magic pill that’s going to change it all.
I help my clients with new habits all the time and I commonly see 3 mistakes we all make when trying to create a new habit.
So what are they?
1. We want to go from 0 to 100
There is a stage at the beginning of creating a new habit where the excitement and motivation is carrying us along. This is it. This is the thing I’ve been looking for. This will change everything.
Whether it’s a new healthy eating plan or exercise routine, whether it’s meditation or setting aside me time, once we decide this is the thing we want to try, we go from 0 to 100.
We go from no exercise, to trying to schedule it 7 times a week. We go from takeaways and chocolate, to a no sugar, vegan eating plan. We go from never having run a step, to trying to complete a 10k.
Our brains can’t cope with that much change, especially when we have such busy, hectic lives. Habits take consistency and there is little chance of going from nothing to everything and keeping that up.
All you will do is disappoint yourself, end up feeling like you can’t do it and you’ll quit all the quicker.
Pick one thing, pick one time, once a week and do it. Every week. Start with consistency, not quantity. Then when you’re achieving that, add to it, build on it and watch the habit grow.
2. We “should” our way to disappointment
Whose idea was this anyway? Have you ever started trying to create a new habit and found yourself saying this?
So whose idea was it? Was it yours? Were you excited and was it something you wanted to do? Or was it a suggestion of someone else’s or worse… something you just felt you “should” do.
Exercise, for example, has always been a love, hate thing for me. It’s taken me until now to realise most of that was because I was doing what I thought I should do and not what I wanted to do. I love yoga but it didn’t seem “cardio” enough. I hate running but it seemed to be what everyone around me did. And I hated the gym when it was the “in” place to be but I’ve recently discovered a love for hitting things (in a boxing/exercise way.. not anything else!).
So what do you really want to do?
Learn to listen to what you want and enjoy it, don’t do what others want or expect of you. If you do what you enjoy and not what you feel you should do, you’re much more likely to stick to it.
3. We do it alone
Doing things alone is all fine and good but you need immense will power. When you don’t feel like it at the beginning you’ve got to motivate yourself and when something crops up and you know you’re only letting yourself down by not doing it, you find an excuse.
This isn’t said to make you feel bad, this is entirely human and what most people go through. Me included and almost every week, in some way, this crops up.
We need a community, we need a cheerleader, we need someone to hold us accountable and to celebrate with us when we’re doing well.
I could do yoga at home by myself, but I rarely miss a class. I could work on my mindset from a book but the breakthroughs happen so much faster and easier when I work with a coach. I could try and run my business with no help from others but when I surround myself with other people in business I feel supported on the bad days and recognised on the good ones.
Who could get support from? A club, a class, a group, your partner or a friend?
If you’re looking to create a new well-being habit, give it some time and really think through why you want to do it, how you want to do it and get some support to achieving it.
“Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going.” - Jim Rohn
Much love
Gail x
Photo credit - https://unsplash.com/@jansedivy