Are you surviving or thriving? 5 ways to be happy!
In my early thirties I remember asking my then boyfriend “Are you happy?” (things weren’t going great!) He replied “Well…I’m not unhappy!”
I was reflecting on this over the past week because I was making a vision board. For those of you who haven’t come across a vision board, it’s a visual representation of your goals or what you want to achieve, be or do in your life. So for mine I collected pictures and words from magazines and created a display of what my future looks like in my thoughts and dreams.
What was interesting was mine was very emotion based. Some people choose pictures of expensive cars, designer clothes or holiday homes and mine was less about material things I wanted but more about ways I wanted to feel.
When I’d finished it was just as I wanted. I knew exactly what feeling every picture represented for me. But then I questioned myself. Don’t I feel this now? Aren’t I this happy already? A lot of the things on there I already have to some degree, so am I happy? My reply… “Maybe. I’m not unhappy”.
Maybe it’s just a human trait that we’re always chasing something more, always looking for the next thing that will tick that box that makes us happy. We fall into the trap of thinking we’ll be happy when….
Happy when we go away on holiday
Happy when I make a bit more money
Happy when I lose a few pounds
Happy when the kids sleep through / start school / leave home
Happy when I get some time to myself
The list goes on….
In the mean time we collapse at the end of the day just grateful we made it through. We know we’re doing better than some and thank our lucky stars that things aren’t worse. We start again the next day hoping it might be better in some way.
We just keep surviving.
And this is entirely normal for some of the time. Especially after the last 18 months we’ve all had, surviving for some is more than enough. (thank you pandemic)
But what if the “happy when” doesn’t happen? What if you don’t lose those couple of pounds or worse, what if you do and you’re still not happy. You go back to just surviving.
So what’s the magic trick? What’s the answer to all of this? How can we stop just surviving and start thriving. Really being happy NOW?
Well if I really knew the answer to that I’d probably be a multi millionaire and lying on a beach somewhere right now being “really happy”!!
But I can give you a few insights from working with my clients on this, which can really make a huge shift in the way you think about this.
1. Are you chasing something without taking action?
We can be really good at thinking and dreaming about how we want things to be. Hoping to be happy when we lose a few pounds or make a bit more money but not always good at actually doing anything about it. Are you taking action towards what you want in life?
2. Do you know what makes you happy?
We can be so focused on what’s going on around us, sometimes we don’t spend any time focusing on us and what we want. We also forget so much has changed for us as life goes by, that we might not even want the same things any more. Who are we now? What does make us happy? Do we need to try new things to work that out? Or do we need to recreate something from our past? Think back to when you were really happy, what were you doing and how could you recreate this now?
3. Are you so unbalanced you are never present?
This can be especially the case if you’re juggling home and family life with work life, when we can be so distracted we are never in the moment enough to even let ourselves be happy. We are with our kids but instead of hanging on their every word, we’re secretly running through our work to do list for the next day. Or we’re completing a project at work and instead of celebrating, we’re feeling guilty we forgot to bake cakes for the school sale. If you never spend time really in the moment, you never give yourself a chance to be happy in that moment.
5. Are you celebrating your wins?
So often we downplay our achievements because we feel there are hundreds of other people doing the same. We are also so quick to move the goalposts, and just move onto the next thing. But how would it feel to stop, and celebrate your wins? Taking time to give yourself a pat on the back and realise how far you’ve come will add to your sense of happiness right now.
So are you just surviving? If someone asked you if you’re happy and you paused, unsure of your response, maybe it’s time to focus a little more on what it is you want and how you could create that or how your life could already be giving you so much of that. Maybe you’re not giving yourself a chance to thrive?
It turns out my vision board is a next level of happiness for me. Spending more time focusing on the things that bring a smile to my face rather than watching some things pass me by.
What would make you happy today? Where could you turn surviving into thriving?
Much love
Gail x
Photo credit - https://unsplash.com/@lunarts